Face Saver

From my Lonely Planet Thailand:

Thais believe strongly in the concept of saving face, ie avoiding confrontation and endeavoring not to embarrass yourself of other people (except when it’s sanuk- funny- to do so). The ideal face-saver doesn’t bring up negative topics in conversation, and when they notice stress in another’s life, they usually won’t say anything unless that person asks for help. Laughing at minor accidents – such as when someone trips a falls down (or when you can’t speak Thai very well- my addition) – may seem callous but it’s really just an attempt to save face on behalf of the person undergoing the mishap. This is another source of the Thai smile – it’s the best possible face for almost any situation.


Constantly keeping this concept of “face” in mind was one of the most difficult adjustments I made during my first year living here. The description above is fairly accurate, although I would sum it up this way: (1) Never make anyone look bad (2) If someone looks bad, smile (3) If someone looks really bad, laugh.

It is completely permissible and excusable, not to mention preferable, to lie in almost any situation to save someone’s face, whether said person is present or not. I now know not to take everyone at their word, but at first these “little white lies” resulted in a lot of confusion and culture clash.

Another technique in the face-saving repertoire is lumping responsible parties into the collective we, even though it might be one specific person’s fault, as in “Even though you took your midterms 7 ½ weeks ago, we are not finished grading them.”

Finally, as a last resort, use the passive voice. “I was not told that I had to sign for my paycheck 10 days before the end of the month in order to be paid,” or “Your final exam has been moved up 2 weeks.”

Face has also been a barrier to learning Thai. Compared to Americans, Thai people are generally relatively reserved and some would say shy. Therefore, it takes a lot of courage for a stranger to speak to you. Most people just want to practice English, but of those very few who try to speak to you in Thai, face makes it difficult. There are not a lot of foreigners in Khon Kaen, so most people don’t really think about the fact that they might have to alter their speaking speed for a non-native speaker; and, if you don’t immediately understand someone the first time they talk, in general they won’t try more than once to get you to understand. They want to save you the embarrassment of not understanding, so they just stop talking and smile or laugh. I am getting better, though. Now in about 2/3rds of these situations, by the time the Thai person has finished laughing, I have put together what they said and am able to provide some kind of reply. However, sometimes they just keep laughing, which I guess means either I didn’t accurately understand what they said or they can’t understand my accent.

Interestingly, the bravest and most persistent people I’ve come across in this situation are gas station attendants. More often than not when they’re filling up my motorbike, the gas station attendant will ask me questions, and since the questions tend to cover the same subjects (am I traveling, how long have I been here, do I work…), I’m getting pretty good at providing answers. I’m slowly starting to work my way to the next level; at this point I usually still have no idea what their 3rd or 4th follow-up questions are, but the conversation always ends in a smile.

PS: This topic was inspired by a NYT article about something completely different, and even though it's technically about Japan, the comparisons in the article could just as easily be said about Thailand. I just thought I'd post it for fun.
East and West Part Ways in Test of Facial Expressions